


Stressed Teen to Yes Queen

by drarryandharry



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Queer Eye RPF
Genre: Drarry, M/M, Queer Eye crossover, eventually, this is so fun to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-13 03:58:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18932953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarryandharry/pseuds/drarryandharry
Summary: The fab five sort out post war Harry. That’s it. That’s the summary.





	1. All Things

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most fun writing I have ever had, after I sorted out the formatting mess!! Seriously there’s a reason Queer Eye is a tv show not a fic, horrendous to format. What are tenses. I don’t know.  
> Hope everyone enjoys this. As usual it’s a work of fiction and all that. Although JVN might be a wizard irl. Don’t quote me on that though.  
> This has not been beta’d and was fuelled by caffeine and new 5sos so there are probably mistakes. I apologise.  
> As always if you leave kudos/comments I will be forever in your debt!

After a long argument over who got to drive, Tan settled into the black GMC’s drivers seat and drove from the airport through the Edinburgh ring road traffic, ready for its next conquest. Jonathan grabbed the dossier from the door. “Okay queens, ready to hear about our next hero?” he said, and began reading it aloud. “Alright, our next hero literally deserves the title already, his name is Harry Potter, and if you guys were wizards you’d already know all this but I’ll read it anyway. There’s no muggle hate here honey.” Jonathan carefully recited the history of the modern wizarding world, with help from Antoni when he went on long tangents. 

Tan turned from the driver's seat. “So, he’s like, famous?” 

“Yeah, but we don’t wanna startle him. He’s just a kid. So like, act natural,” said Antoni. 

“Anyways, he was nominated twice! This is a queer eye first people. First by his flatmate Draco Malfoy, and then by his friend Ronald Weasley.” 

Karamo interrupted first, “Ronald’s a hot name. Very British. Bet he’s got a cute accent.” 

“He’s probably like, half your age Karamo. Younger than your kids. Like I was saying, they both nominated him because, and I quote, ‘he can’t function in society’ and ‘he’s falling apart but he doesn’t know how to ask for help’. Also his flat is a mess, but he doesn’t have anything personal out, so it looks like a trashed showroom. Love.”

“So you’ve got your work cut out Bobby, ” said Antoni.

“Don’t I always.”

Jonathan raised his voice a little to be heard over the bickering in the back seat. “Guys listen, our job this week is to take Harry from stressed teen to Yes Queen!”

 

~Cue music~

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-VgOGzBcMIg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters will be longer than this lmao, I just really like the car bits before the show starts. Thanks for reading!!


	2. Self Care is an Inside Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fab five fix up post war Harry. That’s it. Day One of Harry Potter on Queer Eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most fun writing I have ever had, after I sorted out the formatting mess!! Seriously there’s a reason Queer Eye is a tv show not a fic, horrendous to format. What are tenses. I don’t know.  
> Whenever you see what looks like a script (Karamo: in bold etc) it’s the little insert to camera bits that they add into the show. If you watch queer eye hopefully you know what I mean.  
> Hope everyone enjoys this. As usual it’s a work of fiction and all that. Although JVN might be a wizard irl. Don’t quote me on that though.  
> This has not been beta’d and was fuelled by pure enthusiasm and new Jonas brothers so there are probably mistakes. I apologise.  
> As always if you leave kudos/comments I will be forever in your debt!

**Draco:** I nominated Harry because Merlin knows he needs the help. He’s a mess.

 

 **Ron:** He never learned how to love himself, and even though we’ve all tried to make him feel loved, I don’t think that’s enough for a person.

 

 **Draco:** Like seriously, there’s nothing I want more than for him to learn to cook and stop ordering takeaways at 2am. It’s gone too far.

 

 **Ron:** He’s never really had a family or a place where he belongs and that’s sad. Everyone should have a home you know.

 

 **Draco:** And the clothes. I’m embarrassed to be seen with him.

 

 **Ron:** I want him to believe in himself as much as everyone else does.

 

To say that Draco and Ron stood out in muggle situations was an understatement. Draco was always severely overdressed, today in a white silk shirt and tight black dress trousers. Ron usually just looked awkward, especially since he had never been to any Starbucks before in his life. They were more than somewhat relieved when the fab five walked into the nearly empty Starbucks like they owned the place, ordering their regular drinks. A white americano, a hibiscus iced tea lemonade, a hot chocolate with caramel syrup, a regular breakfast tea, and a caramel macchiato.

 

“You must be Draco,” said Antoni, iced tea in hand, “which makes you Ronald.”

 

Draco’s face nearly imploded, his smirk almost coming off his face all together. Rons ears turned pink, “Ron’s fine mate, nice to meet you.”

 

Karamo leaned against the countertop, waiting to collect his drink, “So, Ronald, how’s your day been?”

 

He was instantly met with a side eye from Bobby, “You’re engaged Karamo.”

 

 **Karamo:** I know, stop judging me.

 

 **Bobby:**  * _Looks disapprovingly into the camera.*_

 

“And you’re barking up the wrong tree. Ron just got back from a very heterosexual date with his girlfriend, who is in fact, straight, like Ron.” Draco added, desperate to save Ron the embarrassment of his whole face going red. With a bit of his regular sarcasm thrown in of course.

 

“Okay boys, calm down. Firstly Draco, I love this outfit you’re wearing, slay honey. If I had those shoulders, I’d be showing them off too. Ronald, I would die for that hair. I wouldn't even change it, little bit of pomade maybe, and you'd be good to go. You’re serving me braveheart, and like, gryffindor lion. I was in Pukwudgie in my day, and I rocked that cheer outfit.” Jonathan pulled up an extra three chairs to the table, definitely designed for four people not seven.

 

Antoni was the last to sit down,“Listen Jonathan, Thunderbird is the best house. We’re not having this conversation again.”

 

“They’re always like this,” said Bobby, already finished his drink, “Not really sure what they’re talking about.”

 

They sat and finished their drinks, cramped around the tiny table, while Karamo shamelessly flirted with Ron until he had to leave for work. When Jonathan finally finished, Antoni put the chairs back in place. “Guys, can we go see the flat already?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” said Draco. They walked up to Gardner's Crescent and eventually arrived at the beautiful apartment building, “This is us. My aunt Andromeda bought it off an old woman before the war, but she decided to move to the country instead so it's mine now. Ours, I guess.” Draco dug his keys out of his pocket, and let everyone into flat 5F.

 

The fab five had never seen anything like it. The living room was pristine. It wasn’t the most fashionable flat for two bachelors, but it was tidy. That is, if _not the most fashionable_ meant ugly. Imagine a floral fabric designer threw up all over the room. Pinks, purples and pastel yellows covered every surface of the room, adorned with roses, azaleas, carnations and daffodils. The furniture was all at least 30 years old, and the kitchen had a “I was almost cool in the 80s” feel to it. At least it was tidy.

 

Upon closer inspection however, Jonathan discovered it wasn’t tidy so much as empty. “Draco, honey, where’s all your stuff?”

 

Draco gestured vaguely towards his room, “All my clothes and stuff are in my room, if that’s what you mean.”

 

Jonathan raked through the cupboard in the corner of the room, trying to find anything that looked remotely like it belonged to a 19 year old man. “No sis, I mean your general stuff. Like photos and decor and, just your stuff that you’ve bought and gifts or whatever.”

 

“Cause none of this,” said Bobby looking around the room, “looks like it belongs to you.”

 

 **Jonothan:** Seriously, put anyone in this flat and they’d think it’s a show home. We’re talking 90s, 60 year old woman’s show home.

 

“We just don’t have that much of our own physical stuff,” admitted Draco. Vague, yes. But significantly easier than admitting to five virtual strangers that he hated his upbringing and Harry didn’t have one.

 

“Well I can definitely help fix that.”

 

 **Bobby:** I’m gay, and I wouldn’t live in a house this feminine. It’s got to go.

 

“Shall we go see Harry’s room,” said Bobby, already making his way towards the door, closely followed by the other four guys.

 

“Actually I wouldn’t. I know that’s your whole thing but Harry’s been through a lot. I think he'd want to be there when you go through his stuff.” Draco understood Harry’s need for privacy as much as anyone, and didn’t want to betray his flatmate.

 

“Okay, in that case...” Antoni made a beeline for the kitchen inspecting it as meticulously as always, looking for a bad smell or a mess to complain about. “Even the kitchens clean, either you put your back into it or your self cleaning charms are amazing.”

 

It’s true, it barely looks used. Just like the rest of the flat, there’s virtually nothing there. Half the cabinets are empty. The countertops are sparkling, only a couple of plates and forks sit in the sink, being washed by a levitating sponge. The black countertops probably hide a few stains, but there’s a distinct lack of mess.

 

 **Antoni:** Nobody has a kitchen this clean, magic or not. I will find the mess, believe me.

 

Sure enough, Antoni opened the tallest cupboard to find the fridge, and was instantly met with a lingering smell. “Clearly, one part of the kitchen has been neglected,” said Antoni. Draco was about to cast a few more cleaning charms, when they were interrupted by the doorbell.

 

Harry’s voice came out of the speaker in the corner of the flat, “Hey, you in? Cause my keys are at the bottom of my bag and I can’t be bothered.”

 

Draco walked over to the speaker and pressed the intercom. “Yeah, and I’ve got guests here to see you, the doors open!”

 

“Great, see you in a second.” Harry climbed up the stairs, expecting Ron and maybe Hermione in the flat. He did not expect five literal queens, all crammed onto his tiny purple sofa. Harry recognised them immediately, unable to contain his excitement. “No way!” Harry practically screamed at Draco, “you’re on queer eye and you never told me! What the hell!”

 

Tan turned to Draco, “you didn’t tell him! Harry, darling, you’re on queer eye.”

 

Harry’s smile was so wide it nearly came off his face. “No. You’re kidding. Why? Who nominated me?”

 

“This gorgeous man right here.” Jonathan pointed to Draco with the end of his wand.

 

“Draco? Shut the fuck up. Don’t tell Ron, but you’re my new best friend,” said Harry, already going to give Jonathan a hug.

 

However, before Harry reached Jonathan, Tan intercepted him, “I’m British so I deserve the first hug,” he declared, jumping off the sofa the best he could without pushing one of his co-stars off.

 

Harry resisted the urge to touch Tan’s hair. “Oh my god I love your hair! It’s so much better in person.”

 

 **Tan:** I already like him, he clearly has good taste. Just saying.

 

All the guys gave Harry a hug, the poor boy barely able to contain his excitement. Without engaging his brain, Harry went in for a hug with Draco. It felt weird for both of them, neither man able to believe they’d got this far. They both made it, and somehow they ended up here. Harry pulled apart first, and Draco let him, clearly uncomfortable. Draco disappeared into his room, leaving Harry alone with his five idols.

 

“I never get to go first,” said Antoni, waving Harry toward the kitchen. “So Harry, you grew up in a muggle house, right? What were you eating.”

 

“Mostly very typical English stuff. Roast beef and Yorkshire puddings every other Sunday.”

 

“Okay, cool. So is that the food you’d want to learn to cook for yourself?”

 

Harry picked at his nails. “Not really. My aunt and uncle used to make me cook for them most days when I was very young, so I’m pretty good at it. To be honest I kind of hate cooking.”

 

“Okay, but is there any food you really like eating, because I can see you spend a lot of money on takeout.” Antoni opened the bin lid to reveal a mountain of takeout boxes.

 

“I really love Indian, but I wouldn’t know where to start. It seems so difficult.”

 

“The thing about a lot of South Asian curries, is that because there are so many regional variations, you have a little bit of leeway. You can make it your own a bit.”

 

“That’s cool. My friend tried to teach me once, but it was difficult for me. I’m half Indian, I should know how to make my own food.” Harry’s voice broke, and it took him a minute to compose himself. “My dad would’ve been able to teach me, but he obviously wasn’t around. And my aunt and uncle didn’t want me to have any connection to my parents. Not magic, their culture, nothing.”

 

 **Antoni:** This is about so much more than food. Not to step on Karamo’s toes, but this is Harry’s culture. It’s sad he doesn’t understand it.

 

“Thank you for being so open with me Harry, it truly means a lot. I’d love to talk more but if I don’t pass you on soon Tan looks like he might explode.” It’s true, for about five minutes now Tan’s been tapping the coffee table in an attempt to speed Antoni along.

 

“Okay Harry my love, come sit down,” said Tan, motioning to the space next to him. “I know you’re probably overwhelmed right now, but I’ve got to talk about the sweatpants.” Tan faked a sigh of exasperation. “Why? Cause I can see from the fit you’re in shape.”

 

Harry looked down at his black tracksuit bottoms and red T-shirt. “I’ve never really had new clothes. I had hand me downs when I was young, and then on the run we could barely afford food much less fashionable clothes. I wore the same T-shirt for almost a year.”

 

Tan was genuinely horrified. “Okay, I know that was a really hard time for you, but that makes me genuinely sad in my heart.”

 

Harry laughed, by now more than used to the criticism of his style choices. Or lack thereof. “It’s fine, honestly. We just had bigger things to worry about. I guess I just never learned how to dress well.”

 

“Would you want to learn?”

 

Tan was thrilled to see Harry visibly sit up to answer the question. “Yeah definitely. Draco’s offered to take me shopping before but, he’s a bit much.”

 

“So you like the way Draco dresses?”

 

“It suits him, I’m just not sure I could do that. He’s very noticeable, I’d rather blend in.” Harry said, gesturing to his outfit once more.

 

“Okay, got you. Who’s your style icon, if you had to choose?”

 

“Honestly, is it too cheesy if I say Antoni? I’ve loved his style since season one,” said Harry, looking at Antoni across the room.

 

 **Antoni:** I don’t always agree with Tan, but this time he’s right. Harry really does have good taste.

 

Tan carefully looked at Antonio’s jeans. “Okay, I see where you are now. Definitely more casual. Maybe you could step it up a little though? Instead of denim how about a linen? Or a blazer?”

 

Harry couldn’t answer the question, not sure he could pick out linen in a line up. As usual, Jonathan swooped I’m to save the day. “I’ll save you from him, Harry. Tan can be, let’s say, over enthusiastic,” he said, receiving a fake glare from Tan, “but only because he cares. Alright honey, let’s see this hair.” Harry lead the way to the bathroom, and took his hair down, allowing it to fall just past his collar bone. “When was this last cut?”

 

 **Jonathan:** Oh boy. This hair. Every strand is a different length. Every strand. Harry is making me put in the work.

 

“During the war. I always had it short when I was young, not by choice though. So after the war I wanted something different, so I just left it.” Harry moved his hair around, so that his part was just right of the centre of his head.

 

Jonothan played around with it a little more. “And are we feeling the long hair? Do we still want it? Or are we past that now?”

 

“No I like it. Maybe a little shorter but not short. Like shoulders? But honestly whatever you think you’re the boss.” The admiration in Harry’s eyes was visible, Jonathan could have been God from the way Harry was looking at him.

 

“Okay, I don’t actually mind the long hair, but I think we’ve got to take care of it a bit more.” Jonathan twisted Harry’s hair back up into a bun. “And what about this beard??”

 

“I don’t really know. I never really learned how to shave, so I just haven’t. I’m not attached to it though.”

 

“Okay, well I’m here and, clearly,” said Jonathan, twirling his moustache, “I’m a facial hair expert, so you’re gonna be fine. In fact more than fine, you’re gonna be fierce.”

 

“Hey Jonathan, I just realised something,” shouted Karamo from the living room, “we haven’t seen his room yet.”

 

“You haven’t been in my room?” asked Harry. “I thought you would’ve gone in earlier.”

 

Karamo, electing not to shout again, walked to the bathroom door. “Draco told us we had to wait for you. Privacy stuff. Thought it might be bad for you to have five strangers in your room without permission.”

 

“Yeah. You guys don’t feel like strangers though, not really.” Harry followed Karamo to his bedroom door. “Here it is,” said Harry, opening the door.

 

It was a wreck. There’s no need for Harry to have this many near identical T-shirt’s, but he does, and they are everywhere. On the bed, the chair, the floor, the bookcase.

 

 **Karamo:** Harry needs to learn what storage is. Soon, before I personally start ripping his room apart.

 

Karamo flung open the cupboard doors, to find that, ironically, the only place without clothes is the cupboard. It’s totally empty. “Harry, why are there no clothes in your closet.”

 

“It reminds me too much of my childhood. I used to live in a cupboard like that. Well not like that, it was under the stairs, but it was still a cupboard. And it was my room till I was eleven.”

 

 **Karamo:** I take back everything I said.

 

The rest of the fab five slowly retreated out of the room, Karamo falling back on his social worker skills. “It makes total sense that you wouldn’t want to use it, and I’m sorry for bringing it up. Have you ever thought about getting rid of it? Because it clearly doesn’t bring you any happiness.”

 

“Yeah, I tried, but Draco’s room is next door, so it would end up breaking his wall. We’re close, but not that kind of close.” Harry almost smiled, trying to put the conversation on a more positive path.

 

“Okay, well we can definitely figure something out so you guys don’t have to share a room, but we get this cupboard out of your space. This is your home now, you shouldn’t have to look around and be reminded of the worst times in your life.”

 

Harry had held it together for so long. Antoni’s talk of culture hadn’t made him cry, and he thought that would be the worst of it. How could he forget Karamo’s signature talent. He cried silently for 20 minutes, hugging Karamo, no longer caring about appearing composed in front of one of his heroes.

 

When they finally emerged from Harry’s room, Karamo had a quick chat with Bobby while Antoni passed Harry a cup of tea and a vial of hydration potion from his jeans pocket. Harry almost said thank you out loud, but decided the knowing eye contact was enough. It had to be.

 

Bobby sat down next to Harry, who sat on the kitchen counter in his usual spot.  “Okay, my turn. I’ll be gentle I promise, I know it’s been a long day. Can I talk to you about the flat a moment. When did you move in here?”

 

“Pretty much straight after school. I knew I wanted to take a year off before I started teaching, just a gap year, to give myself a break. I looked around a few places before Draco’s Aunt told me about this flat. She’s a family friend, so I wouldn’t have to pay rent. Didn’t know Draco was living here too till I moved in.”

 

“So you’ve been here for, probably about 2 years?” Draco

 

“Yeah something like that, why?”

 

Bobby took his phone out of his pocket, and pulled up pictures of his living room. “We literally just met, so this might not be a great example, but look at this room.”

 

Harry looked closely at the picture. “Nice place.”

 

“Thanks, designed it myself. See how it’s not just functional, it’s personal. There’s a picture of my wedding, and that print of the skulls kissing on the wall?” He pointed out the art in the picture, “My husband’s a surgeon. See how the space reflects who we are?”

 

“Yeah”, said Harry looking around the room.

 

“We made our home together. Now I get that you probably won’t live with Draco for that long, but you should still have a space that works for you, functionally and aesthetically. I wouldn’t know either of you lived here, just by looking at it.”

 

“I don’t have that much stuff, you know. I don’t have anywhere to store it apart from my school trunk, and it never really mattered to me either way. I’ve never really had my own space, the closest thing I’ve ever had to a home was hogwarts.”

 

“We can get you some stuff. This is going to be your home, even if it’s only until you find your own home later.”

 

Harry fought off tears for the second time that afternoon. “Yeah, okay.”

 

Antoni tapped his wand on his mug of tea, getting the attention of the room. “Harry. You’ve watched enough queer eye to know what’s coming next. Any first words!”

 

“You know what, I actually can’t think of anything. But I’m ready.”

 

“That’ll do!” Tan raised his mug to propose a toast. “This week, we’re taking you from stressed teen to…”

 

“Yes queen!” The fab five tried to say in unison. Jonathan was a little bit behind, but it didn’t really matter to anyone.

 

Draco shouted from his bedroom, not wanting to interrupt Harry’s moment too much. “I like the sound of that!”

 

 **Bobby:** I want Harry, and while I’m at it,  Draco, to have a place that’s theirs. Somewhere that feels like a home, rather than just a place to sleep at night.

 

 **Antoni:** Harry’s perception of cooking has been warped by his childhood experiences, but there’s so much more to food than what he knows. I want him to learn to cook for himself, not for anyone else. It’s his heritage, and he deserves to know it.

 

 **Tan:** Harry’s never had the means to be fashionable, but there’s clearly a spark there. He just needs to be given the space to explore it.

 

 **Jonathan:** This boy never learned to take care of himself, and someone’s gotta teach him. Well, honey, here we are.

 

 **Karamo:** You can sense the weight of expectation Harry feels just by looking at him, but I want to show him that his best, is enough. Nobody expects anything of him that he isn’t 100% capable of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a prize for whoever correctly matches the fab five member to their Starbucks order in the comments.  
> Did I name the flat after the fab five, absolutely.   
> Leave kudos if you want a chapter 3, support keeps me writing.


End file.
